Sunday, March 28, 2010

Thats life

So what is life all about......

It seems that life is truly very simple but its me; who makes it complicated....like when i was in school i wanted to grow up and school sucked, now i have grown up i miss school, when i was in 4th std and used to see 6th class children bullying kg or 1 std kids i used to think how powerful they are; when i was in 6th i was afraid of KG and 1 std kids that they will start crying and teacher would slap me. Then went to college so thought lets get out of india, now here i am out of india, then i miss India. There would be million people out there who would be ready to replace there life with me, but till i have to crib.

So life i beleive would go on.....i think it has no purpose as such, we treasure what we don't have .....and never cherish what we have.

As some one has said in life it's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see.

hahhaha now some song and dance......ershad...lol

I sometimes find I'm drifting
Through this life without effect;
I often wonder if I'm truly
Worth what I've been blessed.

I search through days that have been hard,
To try to understand,
The many trials that I have known,
The life that I have had.

You see me in my daily grind,
So confident and strong;
Yet when I am alone, I question
Just where I belong.

I often try too hard I find,
To analyze and guess,
To scrutinize, investigate
My life I will confess.

For somewhere deeper, there must be
Some meaning to this life,
Some way to make a difference,
Give a reason for this strife.

Is there some hidden meaning?
Some agenda to be found?
A greater purpose waiting
If I care to hang around?

It teases and it taunts me,
Always slightly out of sight;
A hazy vision out of reach,
Where darkness hides the light.

I struggle to bring clarity
To what awaits me there,
And yet this weak illusion
Always fades before my stare.

It seems the harder that I try,
To focus through the haze,
Just serves to add more questions,
Through my endless, tired gaze.

Perhaps I'm trying just too hard,
To understand it all,
For can we ever truly know
Just what we have in store?

Each incident, each moment passed,
Just adds upon the next,
But in the end, will I find truth ...
Or will I be perplexed?

Perhaps I make it harder
Than it has to be sometimes,
But will my searching bring to me
My meaning over time?

Or will it leave me broken,
And confused as I feel now,
While questions bring no solitude,
To this, my wrinkled brow.

Melbourne grand prix

Sunday 28th March 2010

for 2 continious day i have been sitting on my arse doing nothing.....what a tragedy and what a waste of life..... like what swami nithyanand (bastard, wasted 1 gb of satsang) said i have the intelligence but not the intellect. Get carried away too much. I want to conquer the world but i am not able to have control over my own mind, seem like have compulsive behaviour disorder, means every now and then i go to google news.....fuck...it feels like i am more uodated then most editors of news papers. Today i devoted 5 hrs searching on all about marwari culture and all the comments, jokes people make on marwaris. what a waste of time.

Anyways good thing is that i have ordered video camera, tripod so that i can make certain good youtube videos....means youtube is crap without my own input.

Today i had chance of going to melbourne grand prix but as usual too lazy to drive car and go and watch pepole driving car.....what sort of idiotic sport is this that you watch people driving car,,,fucking retards.....

On facebook i have become a farmer......sometimes i feel i must be the biggest disappointment on this planet......who wants to be farmer and that too e- farmer....just killing time....

Saturday, March 27, 2010

decade of introspection

its 2010 so i thought why not list the achievements, disappointments and hope of last 1 decade, thought month and date may not be right but the year would perfectly be alright. so lets start with year 2000, i was doing CA in ahmedabad and undergoing article ship training, i had passed my CA foundation exam so along with college (i was in HA, though i got admission in HL)i was working as article clerk, working 6 days a week like full time job for RS 300 a month and from 11 to 7 pm. by the time i used to reach home did not feel like doing anything missied college days and did not even do bird watching.....(u know what i mean) but tis felt as if i was studying, but in reality not studying and on top of it i was very proud of the fact that i can pass any exam with only preparation of 1 day. so this article ship routine went on for 1 and half year and then CA inter exam came , without tution and without studying how could i expect to pass but still i managed to pass 3 subjects and failed in one. though i failed but still had this feeling if i had studied for 15 days i would have passed (still very proud of myself) some how i passed my CA inter exam after few attempts and viola in 2003 Pachauri gave me call that he had job for me in Dubai, i was happy, scared apprehensive and took the job in dubai and worked there for 8 months and while working i realised that dubai was not the place meant for me this sheikhs had some weird rules , they keep your passport and to change job you need your employers noc, and as we know all employers are assholes....no one is going to give you that. So i figured out that i had no future in Dubai and this country can only exploit me.......on top of it there was my manager Kamal Parikh, the biggest bastard on this planet, i have not forgotten him, some day i think i should enact zinda movie seen on him (inshallah...lol). I did not think much one fine monday morning i remeber vividly i entered my office at 9 am without much thought i typed my resignation letter and sent to raj somani at 9.20 am most of the staff was horrified and told me that i was stupid to leave the job where i could have grown to become the director of the company......but in hindsight that was one of the best decisions of my life.......fuck dubai......

Nov 2004 i landed back in India and on the same day my neighbour Satish's father died, it was sad day for me as uncle was very close to my heart though he was 80 yrs old.

Anyways i applied for UK visa and it was rejected 2 time i was unhappy and was saying to god why should this happen to me.....but now i know that it was the best thing to have happend, because then i wouldn't have come down to Australia.

march of folly

Have you ever observed your own mind, it always roaming around in future and past and in present we are acting like zombies. i.e most of the things get done without knowing that you are doing it, like you drive car without knowing the street or observing anything and suddenly after half an hour you reach the destination.....viola..... i tried vipasana the other day.....it looks stupid to just look at breath but i notice that 10 mins i did it was eternity and after that i really used 1 hour productivly. i have always know the right thing that should be done but never did it.....like i always knew that i should study during my exams but never did, i know that i should apply for job.....but i am not applying...i know what exactly should be done, but i don't do it. May be vipasana can help me but may be it's just a passing fad.

february 2010 was horrible month for me in melbourne, i shifted from my forest hill house and moved with this hyderabadi guy callled Ravi and you know you assume that south indians are intellectual and hardworking type of people, but this guy was completely opposite was huge drunkard and smoker and with in 2 days i realised that i had to move out of the house. anyways i was too lazy to look around for house and lived like a pig for a month and while returning form job in the last week of feb on friday i see one of his aussie white friend lying on the nature strip with two lady cop on top of him and i see Ravi sitting outside the apartment drunk and eating with his both hands like 3rd grade ramsay horror movie and i realised its time to change the house and with in 2 days i found this house in doncaster andm oved in with this aussie guy. thoug rent is around 730 aud which is quiete high but living here for 1 month has been peaceful and quiete uneventful......i really love uneventful life as such.

when you have peace you can think of war...hahhaha....on 18th march i bought camera and tripod stand and hopefully i will start making some nice viseos and spread the enlightment around ......i have millins of ideas it just needs proper implementation.


I am a good strategist but poor implementer, i just need to improve the implementation part and nothing can stop me, easier said then done......thinking about it for last 1 year i find idiots have been more successful then me.....but somehow even then i am very contented and peaceful person.